Riot
Dramatis Personae
​
Mary is trying to keep her friends safe. Madison
Susan is in a relationship with Mary, and she wants control of her house back. Emily
Donna is a butch lesbian who wants a party. Hannah
Linda is an angry lesbian who wants to fight. Ashley
Karen is a sweet trans lesbian who wants to keep the peace. Karen should be played by a transgender actress. Chris
Notes: If performed with Rebellion the italics are the actors who should play the same characters.
Lights up on newly renovated basement decorated in a 70’s/80’s style. The room is warm, cluttered, and full of life. Suitcases and boxes are stacked throughout the room. It is being prepared for a party.
​
Enter MARY and SUSAN. MARY is balancing multiple snack platters while SUSAN is carrying a 6-pack of beers. She is already drinking one.
MARY
Alight Suzy we got snacks, and drinks do you think we need music? You know for atmosphere?
MARY heads over to the radio when she turns it on Physical by Olivia Newton John plays.
SUSAN
Well that will certainly set the mood for the housewarming party you’re throwing for a group of lesbians.
Mary turns the radio off, and starts reorganizing the room. Susan trails after her. Everytime Mary turns around to face her Susan hides the beer she is drinking.
MARY
Oh, stop that. It really is just a housewarming. We’re all going to be living together, and we should start that off with a celebration.
SUSAN
Celebration.
MARY
Speaking of housewarming maybe you could try to...I don’t know...be a little warm?
SUSAN
Am I not coming off as warm and welcoming?
Mary wraps her arms around Susan who beings to melt a little.
MARY
Well you feel warm. Oh! Your hands are really cold! Honey, have you been drinking already?
SUSAN
I agreed to let you donate our house to this...cause of yours. I never said I was going to do it sober.
MARY
It really was awesome of you to offer your place up.
​
SUSAN
​
For the record when I asked you to move in with me I did mean just you. I didn’t realize you came with three other lesbians.
MARY
And yet you’re still offering to let the three of them stay here.
SUSAN
I didn’t offer anything Mary. I just didn’t say anything when you did.
MARY
So you do think this is a good idea!
SUSAN
I think I need to pick my battles with you.
MARY
You know I love you right?
SUSAN
Sure I know. But it’s nice to hear it from time to time.
​
MARY
​
I see. Well I–(The doorbell rings) I need to get the door. They must be here with Karen’s stuff!
Mary exits. Susan settles on the couch with her case of beer next to her. She throws her feet up on the coffee table, and starts to unwind. DONNA enters dropping multiple suitcases. Susan startles and glares at her. Donna is unaffected.
DONNA
Hey babe. You got any more of those?
Susan wordlessly hands her a beer.
​
DONNA
Kare-bear’s got so much clothes I’m shocked we fit it all in my truck. Then Linda wouldn’t help carry any of it of course.
SUSAN
​
Are you complaining? I thought you liked showing off how strong you are.
​
DONNA
​
Oh, I do. Chivalry isn’t dead babe, she’s just butch.
​
LINDA enters talking loudly at a politely nodding-along KAREN who is following her. Linda is wearing a man’s watch which she fiddles with throughout the play.
LINDA
300 men. It might even be more than that. And what were they arrested for?
SUSAN (to Donna)
​
Is she talking about–
​
DONNA
​
Yeah. What happened downtown.
​
SUSAN
Mary’s freaked out about it. She was talking about this...this arrangement for awhile, but it was mostly just talk. Now she’s invited you all here, and it looks like we’re doing it.
LINDA (coming over to them)
Freaked out is a start. I’m well past freaked out.
KAREN
It only happened last night. We shouldn’t rush into anything. There’s a lot that can still happen.
LINDA
​
You’re right. Things could get worse.
KAREN
​
They could get better.
DONNA
What are we supposed to do?
​
MARY (enters)
Stay here
KAREN
I’ll admit I feel safer with other people then I do alone. You know how much worse it is for women like me.
MARY
That’s exactly why we’re here. The world is terrible and violent, but this basement, and this group of people: we’re safe.
DONNA
Definitely more comfortable then locking ourselves in some underground bunker.
LINDA
So what exactly is the plan here? We eat, drink and–
DONNA
I vote a slumber party, but you know without the slumbering part.
​
MARY
What we do is live our lives however we want to, and we do it without them.
KAREN
​
Them?
LINDA
Cops
DONNA
Homophobes
SUSAN
Men.
MARY
​
D, all of the above. We live without society. I mean look out the window at that world and tell me you ladies want to clean up that mess.
DONNA
I’m no housewife.
Donna and Susan click bottles.
MARY (to Susan)
Honey get your feet off the table. (Susan gets her feet off the table)
KAREN
I’m on board. I think it’ll be fun to all live together.
LINDA
​
Five people to a house? I’m getting flashbacks to college.
SUSAN
Your roommates were this pretty?
LINDA
Don’t go fishing for compliments. That’s what your partner’s for.
MARY
I’m sure Linda’s old roommates weren’t prettier than you honey.
DONNA
Gag me with a spoon.
KAREN
It’s really nice of you two to offer your home to us.
​
SUSAN (scoffing)
“Nice.” You’re all paying rent.
MARY
​
So we’re all agreed then? We cut ourselves off from out there, and we live together. Here.
​
DONNA
A house full of beautiful queer women? Try getting me to leave.
KAREN
I think we can be happy here.
Linda is interrupted from answering when the doorbell rings.
​
KAREN
Did you invite someone else to live with us?
SUSAN
No we don’t have the room. (Mary gets up to answers the door. Susan yells to her as she exits) We do not have the room for another lesbian in this house! Honey! Do not invite them in!
DONNA (winking)
​
Oh, I wouldn’t mind rooming with someone.
Karen blushes, and Linda rolls her eyes but is also flustered.
SUSAN
Do you ever turn off?
​
DONNA
​
Nope. Guess I’m always turned on.
​
SUSAN
​
Focus that on the other two. They’re single.
DONNA
Mary made an honest woman out of you. It’s cute.
KAREN
Hey Linda, is that a new watch?
LINDA
Hmmm? Oh it’s my brother’s.
SUSAN
You hear anything–
Mary enters flushed and upset. Susan cuts herself off and is on her feet in an instant.
SUSAN
What happened?
MARY
Some bible people. I don’t know which one. They wanted to know if I’d heard the “Good News”
LINDA
The news that over 300 gay men were arrested by Toronto police last night?
MARY
Something like that. I said we weren’t a religious household and they asked to speak to the man of the house.
​
SUSAN
What’d you say?
​
MARY
I said you were downstairs welcoming our new lesbian roomates.
All laugh.
DONNA
Oh man. I wish you’d gotten a picture of their faces.
MARY
I didn’t see how they reacted. I slammed the door in their faces pretty quickly. Nearly got the one guy’s fingers.
DONNA
Shame. A missed opportunity.
SUSAN
The fingers or the photo?
KAREN
I guess we can try and take ourselves out of society but we can’t stop society from coming to us.
MARY
There has to be a way to keep people away from the house. We just want to be left alone.
SUSAN
“Beware of dogs” sign?
KAREN
​
Really gaudy Christmas lights?
DONNA
A moat?
​
LINDA
Ghosts.
MARY
You’re a cat person, I refuse to have gaudy anything in or around my house–
​
DONNA
Yet you’re keeping Linda.
MARY
A moat is way too medieval, and ghosts…
KAREN
​
What about ghosts?
MARY (thoughtfully)
Ghosts might work.
LINDA
I was joking.
​
MARY
It shouldn’t be too hard.
SUSAN
What, do you want us all to throw on white bed sheets with holes cut out for eyes, and scare kids on the way to school?
MARY
Isn’t that what the monsters in Scooby-Doo wanted? They were just people in costumes trying to scare other people away.
SUSAN
​
I don’t remember the episode of Scooby-Doo where the gang found out the monster of the week were lesbians trying to be left alone.
LINDA
Again, I would just like to repeat that I was joking.
MARY
​
Come on! We make the lights flicker when people walk by, we can billow the curtains, and have someone stand in the window upstairs lit so that passers by only see a silhouette. I doubt we’ll even need to make costumes.
KAREN
Awww, I actually had some ideas. (everyone turns to her). Long flowy gowns, ohh with wide sleeves, and veils over our faces…(she trails off to the incredulous stares of the others) We can circle back to the costume thing.
DONNA
​
Scare the hell out of some kids? That’s all I needed to hear.
SUSAN
It really shouldn’t be. Though I am surprised you didn’t make a joke about bedsheets and moaning.
​
DONNA
​
Shit. That’s good. Can I get a do-over?
LINDA
For the last time I was joking.
​
MARY
It was a good idea. One of those “just crazy enough to work” ones.
LINDA
No! No it isn’t. It’s just crazy. Actually this whole this has gone beyond crazy and into ridiculous.
KAREN
I’m sure we can try different things to keep people away from the house–
LINDA
Not the ghosts! OK, kind of the ghosts, but actually I meant this. This whole let's all live together thing. This is ridiculous.
SUSAN
Watch it McDonald. Mary opened our home to you.
LINDA
I know! And I know why. I get it. The world out there sucks, but we’re just– just– hiding!
​
Linda throws off the watch and rushes out of the room. Karen goes to follow her, but Donna stops her and goes instead.
KAREN
She wants to fight.
SUSAN
Linda always wants to fight.
KAREN
She can’t fight them so she’s fighting us. She really is grateful to be here Mary.
MARY
Huh? Yeah I know. I know. (Mary bends down and picks up the watch). She didn’t break it. I’ll just put it somewhere safe for her. (Mary puts the watch down, if the play is being performed with REBELLION then she puts it down in the same place CHRIS found it)
SUSAN
She said it was her brother’s.
KAREN
He was taken in the raids. She hasn’t heard from him.
MARY
​
Linda has wanted to fight for a long time. This is just another reason.
​
KAREN
​
There are all kinds of ways to fight. Making it to tomorrow. Making it to tomorrow when the whole world is trying to destroy you for who you are? That’s violent. That’s fighting.
​
MARY
​
I know.
SUSAN
Linda will get her battle. We’ll just have to help her pick the right one.
Donna and Linda enter together.
LINDA
Mary. I’m sorry. Its just my brother he–
MARY
​
I know.
DONNA
​
You’ll get those bastards. One day.
​
LINDA
​
Hell yes. When that happens I’d rather not be alone.
​
MARY
You aren’t
LINDA
I know.
KAREN
So, this whole cutting ourselves off from society thing...we’re keeping the TV right?
DONNA
We better be. Dukes of Hazzard should be on soon. That show’s a riot.
LINDA
​
You just like the girls in short-shorts.
DONNA
That’s what I said.
MARY
​
The tv’s upstairs. We can keep it.
Donna, Linda, and Karen all exit. Mary goes to follow but Susan stops her.
​
SUSAN
So they all agreed to stay. Do you ever not get what you want?
MARY
Oh, of course.
​
SUSAN
Like when?
MARY
Well, for example, I really want you to kiss me, but you haven’t.
SUSAN
Well you did just get us three roommates so we might be a little hard pressed for privacy now.
MARY
They seem pretty distracted now.
SUSAN
How did I get talked into any of this. I think you convinced everyone to build a haunted house?
​
MARY
Yep.
SUSAN
​
For the record the people in masks were always unmasked on Scooby Doo.
​
MARY (leaning in)
​
You forget our secret weapon.
SUSAN
What?
MARY
I love you. And love always wins.
Lights dim as they kiss.
​
THE END?